This is the view from the condo where we stay when we're in Maui. 
Isn't it fabulous? I LOVE Maui. I'm not sure if its Maui or the fact that I can read a good book, sit in a lawnchair all day, and take a nap. That sounds really good right now. I've been so stressed and can literally feel the weight of it on my shoulders.
It feels heavy.
I'm not talking about moving, although it is a little scary to not have a plan yet where we're going to go. We're working on it, but nothing set in stone yet.
We could be on our way to Phoenix today to adopt a baby girl that was born last night. My aunt knew of a potential situation for us, and called us about it last week. We had no idea it was so soon, but she called yesterday morning before 7am and said the birth mom was in labor. I spent all day on the phone with my aunt, the birth mother, attorneys in Arizona and Utah, LDS Family Services, my family, Kyle's family....you get the idea.
We were trying to get the information we needed to make a decision. There were some potential issues that came up with the birthfather. SCARY. The more we found out, the more scarier it got. We had our caseworker from LDSFS come and do an update for our homestudy (yes, that's in the middle of packing the house...SCARY in a different way)
While she was here, we asked our caseworker her opinion of all of this. She said that Bosten's adoption was one in a million (as far as being hard and stressful and complicated) and that somehow we found a situation that was WORSE.
On the other hand, how could we turn our backs on a baby that was pretty much falling into our laps? The birth mom (although not LDS) was willing to work with LDSFS and it turned out to be a healthy baby girl.
After a LONG night, we both feel like this baby is not meant for our family. It was with tears and a heavy heart that we called and let those involved know that we wouldn't be pursuing this. Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I wonder at what could have been. But honestly, I feel better than I did yesterday. It boggles my mind that we're letting this one go (especially since it wasn't that long ago that we would have done anything to have a baby), but I know that this is how its supposed to be.
While I was up in the middle of the night, I found this new video that I thought was great:
All I can say is AMEN, sister!
8 comments:
Wow, quite a day you had yesterday. As for Maui, I'm so with you on that one, my sister lives there and has for the last 10 years, it's a place I long for on a regular basis!
Ryan and I went to Hawaii for our belated honeymoon. It was amazing! We loved it. It really feels like Paradise there. As for all that is happening in your world, WOW! It sounds like you made the best decision if you feel better today than you did yesterday. Everything will all work out. Good luck with packing and finding a new place, too.
Sorry all that happened, Sheebo. Just sit and stare at the Keeka picture a little longer.
My prayers are with you (not really on the Maui thing:) We don't always see the big picture as our Heavenly Father does and that is where we take a leap of faith. Sounds like your doing your part, let Him take the rest.
You MUST know how special you are...If you need the reminder, let me tell you. YOU ARE SPECIAL. The Lord would not have placed this in front of you if he was not absolutely sure you could handle it. What a privilege it is to have that trust from the Lord.
I love you and you and your family are in our prayers. Just keep swimming.
Holy cow, that video made me bawl. So did your post. What a roller coaster of emotions, Shelby. I'm sorry--what a hard, hard decision that must be to make. But I'm glad you feel good about the decision you guys made. My friend--a fellow adoptive mom--said to me when they were waiting, "I don't want just any baby, I want my baby." I think its amazing how the babies who are meant to come into our homes, find their way. Good luck with your crazy life--you are in my prayers! Love you!
Yes, you definitely need a vacation to Maui. Our prayers are with you.
You amaze me! We'll keep you in our prayers. After this crazy move is complete you should take that vacation.
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