truly a miracle

I'm a mother, and its a miracle.

Truly.

I've been thinking about it a lot as we're approaching Mother's Day. I think I've mentioned before how much I used to hate Mother's Day. It was such a hard day and such an in your face reminder of all that I desperately wanted.

However, that all changed when Kaden's birth mom chose us to be his parents. And again, when Bosten's birth mom chose us. We love these amazing women and I'm sure they have no idea how much they changed our lives.

I've always loved this song, even before it meant something personally.

Happy Birth Mother's Day to Kaden and Bosten's birth moms. We love you and are eternally grateful for your decison to place your baby boys in our home!

We're also praying extra hard today for our next birth mom. We know she's out there somewhere and facing really hard choices. Please help us find her, and please keep her (and us) in your prayers. Adoption is hard....hard for everyone involved, but it is also a miracle and one that I'm truly grateful for.

national infertility awareness week

I have debated within myself all week about whether or not I would post something about National Infertility Awareness week. Its not something I really talk about.

As many of you may know through personal experience,

Infertility sucks....

...especially (in our case) when you don't know the reason or cause for it.

I read on another blog that 10-15% of married couples struggle with some form of infertility. People deal with it in different ways. I'm mostly ok with it. I've dealt with it and have moved on. That's not to say that it doesn't rear its ugly head sometimes...and usually at times where I least expect it. In those times, I'm mostly the "suffer in silence" kind with the occasional tears when people (who mostly are trying to be nice or helpful) say or do something stupid. You would die if you knew some of the stuff I've had people say.

For real.

My friend has said to me on several occasions, "I don't know how you do it." The truth is, I don't have a choice. This is one of my trials. Is it easy? Nope. Would I want to trade my trials for yours? No thanks.

The hard part? I have no control over my family. We can't have a baby when we want one or feel its the right time. We don't have any control over how close the boys are in age or will be to the next member of our family (if there is one). That's the hard part. No control.

BUT....

-I have gained a testimony about adoption.

-I know there is a plan for our little family. I'm just not in charge of that plan.

-I have two beautiful boys.

-I've made some wonderful, lifelong friends (some of whom I've never even met) who struggle with some of the same things that I do.

-I've learned a lot about prayer and about patience (probably more than I ever wanted to).

- In general, I have greater empathy for those around me and I try not to assume.

-Having your babies with you in the temple is the BEST. And honestly, I feel sorry for people who don't get to experience it.

So, that being said...be nice to those around you who may be struggling with infertility. Its so not your job to fix it or even make us feel better. It goes a long way to just acknowledge the trial and offer a hug. Enough said.

status updates

Its been a pretty uneventful week, but here's the latest:

Kyle:

says he's living Groundhog's Day over and over again. His 3 minute commute turned into 45 minutes since we moved down with my parents. Not very fun.

Shelby:

I'm feeling really good. I've been up quite a bit and am feeling really bored (even though I've been reading and watching movies). Contrary to popular opinion, this is NOT a vacation. My 2 year old neice tells me to "Be quiet you lazy bum!" thanks to my sister. I go to the doctor on Tuesday to get stitches removed and hopefully get some of my restrictions lifted. Had a GREAT surprise (sort of) with a visit from one of my good friends from Oregon.

Kaden:

Spring soccer has started! He loves that my sister, Lindsey, is his coach. He loves that he's playing with 2 of his cousins. Most of all though, he loves that his jersey is ORANGE. How great is that?!

Bosten:

Its been a rough week for our little Boo Boo. He's getting new molars, which makes him miserable. His sensitive skin is making him crazy with itching...sometimes to the point of bleeding. And, for some reason he's not been able to sleep very well since we've been down here. He's been up during the night every night this week. He likes having new toys to play with and a whole house to explore. He's been into EVERYTHING.

no blt's for me

I tried to avoid this week for 5 months, but it was finally time.

Surgery.

I can't tell you how miserable I've been with this herniated disc in my back.....or how much everything else in our little family was affected by me being so miserable. Its not like I suffered in silence. I tried 3 spinal injections, drugs, physical therapy, and even spinal decompression therapy. No relief. So, it was time. For all of our sakes.

Ryan and Kerry kept the kids for us on Wednesday. It was such a huge relief not to worry about them (and they had such a great time!) We had to check in at the hospital at 10am. After waiting around for an hour, we finally got going with the IV, meeting the anesthesiologist, talking with the doctor, etc.

They say it was about an hour. I, of course, took a little nap and don't remember a thing. The doctor said everything went great and they removed a large portion of the disc that had been sitting (and causing havoc on my nerve). I was REALLY sick that night from the anesthesia....the worst headache EVER plus really nauseated. But, finally around midnight it all went away and I was able to get some rest. I was even up and walking around just a few hours after surgery. It was slow going, but actually felt pretty good.

So, after a night in the hospital, meeting with physical and occupational therapists, and seeing the doctor, I was on my way home. YAY. It was so good to be home in my own bed and I had really missed the boys.

Now I'm just hanging out. There's no
Bending
Lifting
Twisting
Sitting

for me for at least 2 weeks. I can be up for no more than 15 minutes an hour, otherwise its back to bed I go.

I feel really good. The incision spot is tender, but I don't have any pain. Haven't had to take any pain pills. Am enjoying short spurts of snuggling with the boys (although its SHORT...too many wiggles). We're headed down to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks on Monday. I can't do anything, and I've got 2 sweet boys who need to be taken care of.

We're so appreciative of all the help and offers of help we've had (including help with the boys, meals, prayers, etc.). I'm so glad its over and I'm so glad to be feeling better...or, I will be as soon as the recovery is over.

so stinkin' fun

This week at preschool, a fireman came and did his presentation. Oh, did I mention he brought the fire truck? Kaden was pretty excited, and thought it was pretty great....all except for the REALLY loud noises (which I didn't even consider...even knowing that he's super sensitive to loud noise). Anyway, the kids got an up close look at a real fireman and a real fire truck.

Guess what Kaden wants to be when he grows up?!

"A fire man for real, mom"

the waiting game

"The children of Israel waited 40 years before they could enter the promised land.

Jacob waited seven long years for Rachel.

The Jews waited 70 years in Babylon before they could return to rebuild their temple.

The Nephites waited for the sign of Christ's birth, even knowing that if the sign did not come they would perish.

Joseph Smith's trial in Liberty Jail caused even the prophet of God to wonder, 'How long?'

In each case, Heavenly Father had a purpose in requiring that His children wait.

Every one of us is called to wait in our own way.

We wait for answers to prayer.

We wait for things which, at the time, may appear so right, and so good to us, that we can't possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer."

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf,

180th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,

April 2010 (Priesthood Session)

Shane, one of my adoption friends, had this on their blog this morning. I've been thinking about it a lot.

I've been thinking about it in terms of adoption and bringing our boys home. There is no question (for Kyle or I) that THESE boys were meant for OUR family. It just took forever, or so it seemed, to bring them home. And yet, looking back on it, there were tender mercies and miracles all over the place that occurred in order for us to be selected by their birth mothers.

Here we are in the beginning stages of round 3, and already I'm tired of waiting. Its pretty funny actually, we've been much more proactive this time around and because we have SO MUCH going on right now.

Big worries.

Major decisions to make.

Injuries and illness.

And yet, I think about the next member of our family a lot. When will he/she come? How will a birth mother find our family? Will be be from our online profile? One of our pass a long cards? A link from someone's blog? Someone knowing someone that may be considering adoption? The possibilities are endless. I'm not worried about HOW. I know from experience that a loving Heavenly Father is very involved in adoption. Its just the WHEN that kills me.

*sigh*

There are lots of our friends and family waiting right now too....those who are hoping to adopt, others struggling with the frustrations of infertility, jobs, school....the list goes on and on.

"Every one of us is called to wait in our own way."

If you have a few minutes today, listen to this.

You'll be glad you did. I know I was.

an EGGcellent day

Kaden has been so excited for Easter egg hunts, finding treats, and seeing what goodies the Easter bunny might have left for us. Well, that Easter bunny is quite the trickster. Here's some of his handiwork before the kids got up:

Kaden was such a great big brother in showing Bosten the ropes. It did not take Bosten very long to figure it all out, and they both had a great time finding all the eggs.


Once they found their buckets, they were both excited to check them out.


Bosten was so excited for chocolate, he didn't wait to get rid of the paper!


We sure love these boys! Aren't they cute brothers?


We spent the rest of the day hanging out, watching conference, and eating at home. We had plans to have dinner with family, but after a week of all of us being REALLY sick (well, everyone but Kaden...somehow he avoided it all and we're so thankful!) we just decided to hang out at home.

Happy Easter!